With the case of Bridges TV founder, Muzammil Hassan, and Rihanna and Chris Brown, domestic violence is again on the forefront. Mr. Hassan is accused of murdering his wife, Aasiya Hassan, because she had filed papers for divorce. Chris Brown is alleged to have attacked Rihanna after a dispute. As these are high-profile cases they dominate the newspaper headlines and people all over feel the need to comment on them. On the typical gossip pages like Perezhilton.com to the comment fields following a revered newspaper article, comments range from showing full support of the victim of the domestic violence to faulting them for aggravating the attacker to attack them.

In the case of Mr. Hassan, commentators felt that the attack was a form of honor killing, citing Mrs. Hassan’s betrayal of her husband (by divorcing him) as the reason behind killing:

“Nadia Shahram, who teaches family law and Islam at the University at Buffalo Law School, explained honor killing as a practice still accepted among fanatical Muslim men who feel betrayed by their wives.

“If a woman breaks the law which the husband or father has placed for the wife or daughter, honor killing has been justified,” said Shahram, who was a regular panelist on a law show produced by Bridges TV. “It happens all the time. It’s been practiced in countries such as Pakistan and in India.”"***

Rihanna, on the other hand, had it coming as she too was perceived to be the aggressor in the incident. If she had not enraged Chris Brown, she wouldn’t have been beatened. Thus, it was her fault too. She should’ve known better.

Whoever is the initial perpetrator, there is absolutely no excuse for domestic violence. None. And we as a community should rise up and declare our vigilance to end the silence enveloping domestic violence as it is only a “behind closed doors’ discussion between the parties involved. Domestic violence does not only affect the two parties involved, but it affects all of us. It is a cycle that will forever plague our societies if we do not stand strong on our stance against it.

There are four kinds of domestic violence:

1. Physical -where the abuser physically attacks the victim: “the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing injury, harm, disability, or death, for example, hitting, shoving, biting, restraint, kicking, or use of a weapon.”*

2. Emotional – where the abuser uses name-calling or other psychological methods to hurt their victim: “(also called psychological abuse or mental abuse) can include humiliating the victim privately or publicly, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, implicitly blackmailing  the victim by harming others when the victim expresses independence or happiness, or denying the victim access to money or other basic resources and necessities. Women who are being emotionally abused often feel as if they do not own themselves; rather, they may feel that their significant other has nearly total control over them. Women undergoing emotional abuse often suffer from depression, which puts them at increased risk for suicide, eating disorders, and drug and alcohol abuse”*

3. Sexual – where the abuser uses intimacy to show their power over their victim is divided into three categories: divided into three categories:

  1. use of physical force to compel a person to engage in a sexual act against his or her will, whether or not the act is completed;
  2. attempted or completed sex act involving a person who is unable to understand the nature or condition of the act, unable to decline participation, or unable to communicate unwillingness to engage in the sexual act, e.g., because of underage immaturity, illness, disability, or the influence of alcohol or other drugs, or because of intimidation or pressure; and
  3. abusive sexual contact.*

4. Economic/Financial – where the abuser exploits the victim’s assets for their benefit: “when the abuser has complete control over the victim’s money and other economic resources. Usually, this involves putting the victim on a strict “allowance,” withholding money at will and forcing the victim to beg for the money until the abuser gives them some money. It is common for the victim to receive less money as the abuse continues. This also includes (but is not limited to) preventing the victim from finishing education or obtaining employment, or intentionally squandering or misusing communal resources”*

Though physical abuse leaves marks that make us cringe, it is emotional abuse that has longer lasting affects as they leave marks with no palpable attributes we can heal, but deep scars that can penetrate into our souls.

The types of domestic violence carried out are divided into five categories as:

  • Common Couple Violence (CCV) within the context of a single issue, there is one or at most two incidents of violence, and it is not used as part of a pattern of behavior to control the partner. This is similar to what Holtzworth-Munroe and Stuart (1994) proposed as a “family-only” batterer, or someone who is not violent outside the home, and is the least likely to be sexually and emotionally abusive. Johnson and Ferraro report this kind of batterer is about evenly split between males and females, with 56% being male and 44% being female.
  • Intimate terrorism (IT) as one tactic in a general pattern of control and manipulation, violence may be used. Worth noting here is that the violence still may have occurred only once or twice, and may be relatively “low severity.” Nonetheless, it still involves emotional abuse and men who show this pattern of abuse are more likely to kill their partners. This is similar to what Holtzworth-Munroe and Stuart (1994) proposed as a “generally-violent-antisocial” batterer, and what Jacobson and Gottman (1998) called the “cobra” type of batterer. This kind is more likely to use violence as a way to control; while they may appear extremely distressed during violent episodes, their physiology reveals no arousal. The appearance of almost uncontrollable rage is an act, one tool of many to intimidate and control others. Such batterers are more likely to engage in carefully planned and more violent revenge if the relationship ends, and are thus much more dangerous to their victims.
  • Violent resistance (VR), where one partner becomes controlling or frightening, the other partner may respond with violence in self-defense. Johnson and Ferraro do not call this pattern of violence self-defense, however, noting that, in general, courts view this term to mean whatever is defined by State law. This kind of violence occurs in response to a perceived threat, may be a one-time event, and is not part of a pattern of control and manipulation.
  • Mutual violent control (MVC) this kind of violence may be what is thought of as mutual combat. It can be two parties using violence to control each other in a specific setting, or be more like two people attempting a kind of intimate terrorism with each other. Johnson and Ferraro note that even in these cases, however, some gender differences remain. They explain that in 31% of these couples, the male initiated more violence, as opposed to 8% in which the female initiated more violence. They also note numerous studies showing even where violence was initiated “50-50″ by males and females, women are more likely to suffer more serious harm.
  • Dysphoric-Borderline Violence – this kind of batterer was proposed by Holtzworth-Munroe and Stuart (1994), and entails a needy, dependent, and emotionally overwhelmed person who resorts to violence in frustration. Jacobson and Gottman (1998) called this the “pitbull” type of batterer, and were able to show extreme emotional and physical arousal and distress, as compared to the “cobra” type. Renzetti (1992) also classified 68% of the abuse in her samples as due to dependency needs, and so would seem to have supported this kind of violence as well. This kind of abuser is more likely to show obvious emotional adjustment problems and distress, such as depression, fears of abandonment, and great emotional dependence on the victim.**

Again, domestic violence does not affect the abuser or victim only, it affects all of us and if we do not put an end to it, it will continue on-not through us, but through our children. There are reports that Chris Brown’s stepfather abused his mother and Brown himself was a witness to the violence. Though for that particular case it is now just mere speculation, children who are witnesses to domestic violence are also victims of it, and may continue the cycle through being involved in an abusive relationship themselves as either the abuser or the victim.

To push our community in the right direction we need to put our foot down to any kind of abuse, and educate ourselves so we won’t become a victim to it ourselves.We need to rally together and embrace any potential victim of domestic abuse; we need to empower them to have courage to speak up against anyone who might or have hurt them; we need to protect them so it will not happen again.

No one has a right to lay their hands on us to hurt us.

No one has a right to be in control over our being.

No one has a right to put us down.

No one has a right to say it was our fault.

Say NO to domestic violence, be it between man and woman, parent and child, or relative against relative.

—

sources

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

**http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/types_dv.html

***http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iYkqUumzaf7AjUkw1ErtZOqihGrgD96DN1L01